I decide not to marry Sean when Diane says he is too old for me.
“He’ll die before you for sure,” she says.
When I tell Sean my decision, he is okay with it.
It is winter and Sean takes me to repertory movie theatres throughout Toronto. We see a movie every week. He takes me walking through High Park in the snow and introduces me to his sister and her family who live close by. Later, Sean introduces me to his mother, the woman I have heard so much about. She is dressed in an immaculate yellow suit and looks like a skinnier version of the Queen of England. She lives in uptown Toronto and we drive over to the west end, which Sean prefers and eat hamburgers with fries at a Fire Pit close to Kipling subway station. Sean drives me through the Bridle Path, one of the wealthiest neighbourhoods in Toronto and shows me his old house. His old house, which is a good size house, is dwarfed by the multi-room mansions close by and with king-size swimming pools in the backyards.
I am not alone ever, any night of the week. On the weekends, Sean heads up north to a spiritual group he is involved with that believe in Buddhism. Sean is a Buddhist. He also believes that when a man has an ejaculation during sex, he loses his strength and sex should only be for procreation. In all of the two years that I know Sean, we have sex once. It is the first time I have an orgasm from the inside of my vagina without stimulating myself.
Sean and I spend a wonderful two years together. By this time, I am no longer with the CBC. I am laid off by the summer of 2004 and I start doing freelancing for Media Research Institute as a car journalist. At the same time, I take a bilingual receptionist job with the Ontario Women’s Directorate in the fall of 2004 to make extra money. Sean constantly complains about Toronto and about how loud and crowded it is. He is applying for jobs just outside of Toronto.
“I want to live in Whitby,” he tells me. “We can live together. Houses are cheaper out there.”
“I don’t want to live in Whitby,” I say. “I like Toronto. I like living downtown. Say if I couldn’t get a job in Whitby?”
“I’ll take care of you,” he says.
This is what I feared all along.
So we do not end up in an argument, I say nothing. By the end of the year, Sean finds a job with the same government department in Whitby. He moves there and we try to have a long-distance relationship. He is living in the basement of a female friend’s house and complains that it is infested with rats. By the time my bilingual receptionist job turns into a bilingual grants consultant job with the Ontario Women’s Directorate, Sean starts calling about once a month and then once every two months. When I try to reach him on the weekends, he is always heading up north.
There is a French language test I need to receive a superior competency level with so I can get my job with the government to be permanent. At that time, the government does not deem my French superior. I leave the directorate saying a tearful goodbye to the friendly and close group of twenty-nine others who still have their job in the office. At least I did not lose my work with the Media Research Institute.
When I tell Sean, he begs me to move to Whitby. By this time, Diane moves in with her mother after she is fired from The Beer Store and she is no longer a distraction. I consider it, but I have always been a downtown girl. Plus, when it comes to begging, I am the one who needs to beg Sean to have sex with me and he stands firm to his Buddhist philosophies.
Just as I am about to give in because I am so lonely and broke, I receive an email from my long-time friend Darcy from the CBC that changes my life. To this day, I cannot fathom why she sent that God saving email?