Sherlock Holmes Show

In Writing (all kinds) on January 18, 2017 at 5:33 PM

By Saad Zafar

I was watching the British TV series “Sherlock Holmes” earlier. I’ve been watching a lot of it lately. And I started wondering what I would be learning like as a private detective. Well, before I can even contemplate what I would be like, I need to first determine whether I would even enjoy. And I have come to the conclusion that the answer to that is a resounding “no.”

I can imagine myself right in the middle of a case telling my assistant, “The hell with it. Let’s go grab a sandwich.” And I’m not even a big fan of sandwiches. What would really worry me (were I an actual private detective) would be the idea of reviewing pages and pages of evidence. Too tedious and boring. Can’t stand it.

And that’s why I would have made a horrible lawyer. I can imagine myself sitting in a courtroom refraining from registering even a single objection to anything being said by the opposing party. And I’d have no questions to ask of any witness when it would be turn to cross-examine him/her.

Don’t judge me. I have a low tolerance threshold for boredom. So I basically did the entire world a favour by opting not to become a private detective or a lawyer. Maybe I’m just not a Sherlock Holmes-type of person. Perhaps I’m a Dr. Watson-type. Yes, I do feel I am more like. Always ready to be the sidekick. Willing even. And not having to any of the legwork. But rather merely recording all the adventures for my readers.

That actually sounds like a fun job. Now, where I can apply for position to be the sidekick of a high-functioning sociopathic private detective like Sherlock Holmes? I’m not a medical doctor like Dr. Watson (but does one really have to be doctor to be a detective’s sidekick?)

I’ve half a mind to actually draft job ad for the above-mentioned position. But since I am suggesting to be sidekick, should my job ad be for a high-functioning sociopathic private detective with acute powers of observation? Or should my job ad be aimed at trying to sell myself as the ideal sidekick to any of the high- functioning sociopathic private detectives out there?

I do believe that, in this day and age, even a sidekick position would require me to do a large amount of mental (and quite possibly even) physical labour. I would much rather just narrate the adventures without taking part in them. And this leaves open the possibility of becoming a historian. But again, too much poring over historical evidences. Not sexy enough for my tastes. Novelist, maybe? Now, there’s a thought. Elementary, my dear Watson.

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